按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
真正的算命先生
米尔格鲁姆在机场等待登机的时候，注意到了一个电脑秤，它既能称体重又能算命。他把一个两毛五的硬币丢进电脑秤的一个小孔里，电脑屏幕上显示出这样一行字：“你的体重是195磅，你已经结婚，你将要去往圣迭戈。”米尔格鲁姆顿时站在那里发起了愣。
又有一个人过来了， 他也把硬币丢进电脑秤里，屏幕上显示：“你的体重是184磅，你已经离婚了，你将要去往芝加哥。”
米尔格鲁姆很是惊讶。于是，他冲进洗手间，换了一套衣服，戴上了墨镜，又一次走到电脑称前。这次屏幕上显示：“你的体重依然是195磅，你依然是个结了婚的人。只是你刚刚错过飞往圣迭戈的飞机。”
A Real Fortune…teller
While Milgrom waited at the airport to board his plane； he noticed a puter scale that would give your weight and a fortune。 He dropped a quarter in the slot； and the puter screen displayed：“You weigh 195 pounds； you’re married and you’re on your way to San Diego。” Milgrom stood there dumbfounded。
Another man put in a quarter and the puter read：“You weigh 184 pounds； you’re divorced and you’re on your way to Chicago。”
Milgrom was amazed。 Then he rushed to the men’s room； changed his clothes and put on dark glasses。 He went to the machine again。 The puter read：“You still weigh 195 pounds； you’re still married； and you just missed your plane to San Diego！”
一元钱
老师问汤姆：“你今天早上为什么迟到了？”
“有个人丢了1元钱。” 汤姆回答说。
“噢，我明白了，是你帮助他找到钱的。”老师说。
“不，我一直站在那1元钱上，直到所有的人都走了。” 汤姆回答说。
One Dollar
The teacher asked Tom：“Why did you e to school so late this morning？”
“Someone lost one dollar。” answered Tom。
“Oh； now I know； you helped him find the money；” the teacher said。
“No； I stood on the money until the person went away；” was Tom’s reply。
。。
聪明人生 第五章（1）
聪明的博比
布朗因自己的小儿子而格外自豪。有一次，他跟一位客人炫耀他的儿子有多聪明。
布朗说：“他才两岁，就能辨认出所有的动物了，他肯定会成为一名出色的自然学家。来，让我演示给你看。”
他从书架上拿下一本自然书，把博比抱到膝上，翻开书页。他指着一张长颈鹿的画片。
“博比，这是什么？”
“马马。”博比回答。
他又指着一张老虎的画片，博比回答说：“猫咪。”然后布朗又指着一张狮子的画片，博比说：“狗狗。”
他又指着一张黑猩猩的画片，博比说：“爸爸！”
Clever Bobby
Brown was very proud of his young son。 Once he was talking to a visitor； telling the man how clever his son was。
“The boy is only two years old；” he said； “and he knows all animals。 He’s going to be a great naturalist。 Here； let me show you。”
He took a book of natural history from the bookshelf； placed Bobby on his knee； opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe。
“What’s that； Bobby？”
“Horsey；” said Bobby。
Next a tiger was shown； and Bobby said； “Pussy。”
Then Brown showed Bobby a picture of a lion； and Bobby said； “Doggy。”
And when a picture of a chimpanzee was shown； Bobby said； “Daddy！”
数学没及格
我的儿子是印第安那市曼西尔波州立大学的学生，大学一年级的时候，他的名字就被列在了系主任的表扬名单上。大学二年级的时候，他学的是心理学。刚开学没几个星期，他就往家里打了一个电话。
“妈妈，”他兴奋地说，“我已经找到了在大学生存下去的答案！分数不是最重要的，重要的是具备如何把学到的知识应用于日常生活的素质。幸运的是，我拥有了这种奇妙的经历！”
“你说的这些究竟是什么意思？”我问道。
“我数学没及格。”他回答道。
Flunking Math
My son； who made the dean’s list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie； Indiana； called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student。
“Mom；” he said excitedly； “I have found the answer to surviving college！ It isn’t the grades that are so important； but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life。 I’m lucky to be having these wonderful experiences！”
“And just what does this mean？” I asked。
“I’m flunking math。” he replied。
捎杯牛奶
半夜两点时，科尔肯太太确信自己听到客厅里有贼，就对丈夫说：“别开灯，轻手轻脚地下楼，悄悄地靠近他，别被他发觉。”
科尔肯先生义无反顾地披上外套，前去捉贼。刚走到卧室门口，他的妻子又加了一句：“回来的时候给我捎杯牛奶。”
Bring Me a Glass of Milk
At 2 a。 m。 Mrs。 Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living room。 “Tiptoe downstairs；” she told her husband。 “Don’t turn on the lights。 Sneak up him before he knows what’s happening。”
Dutifully； Mr。 Culkin put on his robe。 Just as he reached the bedroom door； his wife added； “And when you e back； bring me a glass of milk。”
预言
每当邻居家的男子向罗宾逊家走来的时候， 罗宾逊就知道他一定又是来借东西的。
“这次他什么也别想借走。”罗宾逊朝他的妻子小声嘀咕道。书 包 网 txt小说上传分享
聪明人生 第五章（2）
“嗯，我想知道你今天早上是否用这把电动锯？”邻居又开始借东西了。
“噢，真是太不好意思了，”罗宾逊一幅自鸣得意的表情，“其实，我要用一整天。”
“假如是那样的话，”邻居说，“你肯定不会用高尔夫球杆了，你不介意把它借给我吧？”
Prediction
Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house； Robinson knew he was ing to borrow something。
“He won’t get away with it this time；” muttered Robinson to his wife。
“Er； I wonder if you’d be using your power…saw this morning；” the neighbor began。
“Oh； I’m terribly sorry；” said Robinson with a smug look； “but the fact of the matter is； I’ll be using it all day。”
“In that case；” said the neighbor； “you won’t be using your golf clubs； mind if I borrow them？”
从未来访
一个人在商场碰到了他的医生。他停下来问道：“6个星期前， 我去你的办公室，你说让我回家卧床等待你的到来，可是你却没来。”
“我没去吗？”医生说，“那你怎么下床了？”
You Never Called
A guy spots his doctor in the mall。 He stops him and says； “Six weeks ago when I was in your office； you told me to go home； get into bed and stay there until you called。 But you never called。”
“I didn’t？” the doctor says。 “Then what are you doing out of bed？”
地 坑
从前有一个农夫，他家就住在马路附近。
这条马路并不繁华， 偶尔才会有汽车从农场经过。靠近农场大门口的马路中间有一个大坑。
这个坑里总是积满了水。从表面上看，汽车司机根本辨认不出坑的深浅，他们会认为是一个很浅的坑。
一旦车子掉进了坑里，司机们就别想再开出来，因为坑太深了。
农夫没有花多少心思去经营农场，大部分时间都盯着这个坑。
每当汽车开进坑里时，他就用拖拉机把汽车拉上来，然后向司机收取很多费用。
一天，一位汽车司机对他说：“你没日没夜地把汽车往外拉，肯定挣了很多钱吧。”
“哦，不，”农夫说，“我夜里不拉汽车，我还得往这个坑里灌水呢。”
This Hole in the Ground
There was once a farmer who lived near a road。
It was not a busy road； but from time to time； cars passed the farm。
Near the farm gate； there was a large hole in the road。
This hole was always full of water； and the drivers of the cars could not see how deep the hole was。 They thought it was probably shallow。
Then when they drove into the hole； they could not drive out because it was so deep。
The farmer did not spend much time working on his farm。 He spent most of it watching the hole。
When a car drove into it； he pulled the car out with his tractor and charged the driver a lot of money for doing this。
One day； the driver of a car said to him； “You must make a lot of money pulling cars out of this hole night and day。”
“Oh； no；” the farmer said； “I don’t pull cars out of the hole at night。 At night I fill the hole with water。”
您的大衣着火了
老师为了培养学生先思考后发言的习惯， 便告诉他们在说出重要事情之前先数到50，假如是特别重要的事情，就要先数到100。
第二天，老师在讲课时背靠着火炉。这时，他发现好几个学生的嘴唇在很快地动。 忽然，全班学生一起喊道：“98，99，100。老师，您的大衣着火了！”
聪明人生 第五章（3）
Your Coat Is on Fire
The master； to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking； told them to count fifty before saying anything important； and one hundred if it was very important。
The next day he was speaking； standing with his back to the fire； when he noticed several lips moving rapidly。 Suddenly the whole class shouted：“Ninety…eight； ninety…nine； a hundred。 Your coat is on fire； sir！”
不要和小孩争论
一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。
她的老师说：“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物，可它的嗓子非常小。”
那个小女孩说：“约拿（一位西伯来先知）就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。”
她的老师非常生气，她再次告诉小女孩说：“从身体构造角度来讲，鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”
那个小女孩说：“那等我到了天堂，就去问问约拿。”
她的老师问：“那么，假如约拿下了地狱怎么办？”
那个小女孩回答：“如果是那样的话，你就去问他。”
Don’t Argue with Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales。
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small。
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah。
Irritated； the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human； it was physically impossible。
The little girl said；“When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah。”
The teacher asked；“Wh