按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
“Don’t listen to them；” his mother said； “You have a beautiful head。 Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes。”
“Where is the shopping bag？”
“I haven’t got one—use your hat。”
太多了
在一列穿越欧洲的旅游火车上，有一个俄国人、一个古巴人、一个美国商人和一个美国律师。
俄国人取出一大瓶伏特加酒，给自己的旅伴们每人倒了一杯，然后随手把剩余的半瓶酒扔出了窗外。
“你为什么要这样做啊？”美国商人问。
“我们国家盛产伏特加，”俄国人说，“实际上，我们的酒多得喝不完。”
过了一会儿，古巴人掏出上等的雪茄分发给每个人。他只抽了两口，就把手中的雪茄扔出了窗外。
“我原以为古巴的经济颓废，”那个商人说，“可你却把那么好的烟都给扔掉了。”
“雪茄嘛，”古巴人回答，“在古巴一角钱就可以买12支。雪茄多得我们都不知道该怎么办了。”
这位美国商人坐在那里，静静地想了一会儿，然后站了起来，一把抓起律师，把他从窗口扔了出去。
Too Much
A Russian； a Cuban； an American businessman and an American lawyer were on a train traveling across Europe。
The Russian took out a large bottle of vodka； poured each of his panions a drink and then hurled the semifull bottle out the window。
“Why did you do that？” asked the American businessman。
“Vodka is plentiful in my country；” said the Russian； “In fact； we have more than we will ever use。”
A little later； the Cuban passed around fine Havana cigars。 He took a couple of puffs of his and then tossed it out the window。
“I thought the Cuban economy was suffering。” the businessman said。 “Yet you threw that perfectly good cigar away。”
“Cigars；” the Cuban replied； “are a dime a dozen in Cuba。 We have more of them than we know what to do with。”
The American businessman sat in silence for a moment。 Then he got up； grabbed the lawyer and threw him out the window。
真扫兴
大约在我们结婚5周年纪念日的两个星期前，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我告诉他我想要一件浪漫却又不切实际的东西。
结婚纪念日的那个晚上，他送给我一个非常可爱的金手镯。
“是一个由4个字母组成的单词促使我为你买下了这件礼物。”他温柔地说。
“哦，太浪漫了，”我轻声说道，“是Love（爱）？”
“不是的，”他答道，“是Sale（甩卖）。”
The Thrill Is Gone
About two weeks before our fifth anniversary； my husband asked me what I would likefor a gift。 I told him I wanted something impractical and romantic。
On our anniversary night； he presented me with a lovely gold bracelet。
“A little four…letter word made me get this for you；” he said softly。
“Oh； how sweet；” I whispered。“L…O…V…E？”
“No。” he replied。 “S…A…L…E。”
电子书 分享网站
花样年华 第二章（1）
靶 子
我的厨艺一直以来都是全家人取笑的对象。一天晚上，由于晚餐准备得太快，弄得厨房里全是烟雾，连烟雾探查器也响了起来。虽然我的两个孩子在学校里都接受过防火安全训练，然而他们对警报却毫无反应。我很生气，怒气冲冲地在房间里到处找他们。
我在浴室里找到了正在洗手的他们。我的声音大过了警报声，要求他们辨别那种声音。
“是烟雾探查器。”他们不约而同地回答。
“你们知道那种声音代表什么吗？”我问道。
“当然，”大一点的孩子回答，“晚饭已经好了。”
Target
My cooking has always been the target of family jokes。 One evening； as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly； the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off。 Although both of my children had received fire…safety training at school； they did not respond to the alarm。 Annoyed； I stormed through the house in search of them。
I found them in the bathroom； washing their hands。 Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm； I asked them to identify the sound。
“It’s the smoke detector；” they replied in unison。
“Do you know what that sound means？” I demanded。
“Sure；” my oldest replied。 “Dinner’s ready。”
狗的坏习惯
作为一名专业的驯兽师，我对自己的狗养成的一个坏习惯感到很苦恼。每当我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣绳上时，它总会猛地把衣物全扯下来。对此，我必须要采取严厉的措施。
我在绳上搭了一条白色的厨房毛巾，每当它把毛巾扯下来时，我就会训斥它一顿。两个星期后，它再也不碰毛巾了。于是，我把许多洗干净的衣服搭在晾衣绳上后，就出去办事了。等我回到家时，洗好的衣服分散在院子的各个角落，只有那条白毛巾依然搭在绳子上。
A Dog’s Bad Habit
As a professional animal trainer； I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit。 Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline； she would yank it down。 Drastic action was called for。
I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited。 Each time she pulled it off； I scolded her。 After two weeks the towel was untouched。 Then I hung out a large wash and left to do some errands。 When I came home； my clean clothes were scattered all over the yard。 On the line was the white kitchen towel。
谁最臭
—个零售商、—个银行家和一位政客在森林里迷了路。最终，他们来到一家农舍前，并询问主人能否在他家借宿一晚。
“当然可以。”农户说，“不过，我的房间里只能容纳你们中的两个。另外一个人要和牲口们睡在牲口棚里了，那里的气味实在糟糕。”
“我去牲口棚睡吧。”银行家自告奋勇道。
半个小时后，农夫的房门便被敲响了。银行家喘着粗气站在那里，说道：“我实在忍受不了那里的气味。”
“好吧，”零售商说：“我去牲口棚睡吧。”说完，转身便去了。
没过多久，又有敲门的声音，零售商抱怨道：“我曾经可以忍受食物腐烂的气味， 可是牲口棚的气味我实在是忍受不了。”
“两个没用的家伙。”政客说，“我去吧。”
半个小时后，又传来一阵敲门声。他们打开房门，发现站在门口的居然是牲口棚里的所有牲口。
Who Tops Them All
A grocer； a banker and a politician got lost in the forest。 Eventually they came to a farmer’s house and asked if he could put them up overnight。
花样年华 第二章（2）
“Sure；” the farmer said； “but I’ve got room for only two of you in the house。 The other will have to sleep in the barn with the animals； and the smell is very bad out there。 ”
“I’ll sleep in the barn。” the banker volunteered。
Half an hour later a knock was heard on the farmer’s houses door； and there stood the banker； gasping； “I can’t take the smell。”
“All right。” said the grocer。 “I’ll sleep in the barn。” And off he went。
In a while there was another knock on the door。 “I’ve put up with some rank odors from spoiled food；” the grocer plained； “but that barn tops them all。”
“You two sissies。”said the politician “I’ll sleep in the barn。”
Thirty minutes later came another knock。 When they opened the door； there stood all the animals from the barn。
幸运的顾客
最近有家新开张的超市，所有前往光顾的主妇都怀揣着一个美好的愿望——幸运地成为一个购物不用交钱的顾客。这是商店入口处的启事上所承诺的。启事上写着：“请记住，每个星期都有一位可以免费购物的顾客。也许，今天就是您的幸运日！” 几个星期以来，正如自己的许多朋友一样，爱德华太太一直盼望着自己会成为那位幸运的顾客。跟朋友们不同，她一直没有放弃这一期望。家里厨房的碗柜中都塞满了并不实用的东西。她的丈夫建议她不要乱买东西，然而收效甚微。她一直梦想着有一天超市的经理走到她的面前，对她说：“夫人，今天是您的幸运日，您篮子里的所有东西都是免费的。”
一个周五的早晨，她采购完并把东西放进车里后，才想起自己忘了买茶叶。她急匆匆地回到超市，取了茶叶后向收银处走去。正在此时，她看到商店的经理走了过来。“夫人，”他一边说着一边伸出手来，“我要恭喜您！您是我们的幸运顾客，您篮子里的所有东西都是免费的。”
A Lucky Customer
All the housewives who went to the new supermarket had one great ambition： to be the lucky customer who did not have to pay for her shopping。 For this was what the notice just inside the entrance promised。 It sai： “remember； once a week； one of our customers gets free goods。 This may be your lucky day！”
For several weeks Mrs。 Edwards hoped； like many of her friends； to be the lucky customer。 Unlike her friends； she never gave up hope。 The cupboards in her kitchen were full of things； which she did not need。 Her husband tried to advise her against buying things but failed。 She dreamed of the day when the manager of the supermarket would approach her and say； “Madam； this is your lucky day。 Everything in your basket is free。”
On Friday morning； after she had finished her shopping and taken it to her car； she found that she had forgotten to buy any tea。 She dashed back to the supermarket； got the tea and went towards the cash desk。 As she did so； she saw the manager of the supermarket approach her。 “Madam；” he said； holding out his hand；“I want to congratulate you！ You are our lucky customer and everything you have in your basket is free！”
花样年华 第二章（3）
得不到回报的祈祷
在我们修道院附近的超市，我急急忙忙地装了满满一推车的东西。突然之间，我有了一种不安的感觉：我带的钱可能不足以支付所有的商品。绝望之下，我把所有的东西都摆在地板上，跪下来开始把所有东西的价格加在一起。
正在此时，一个年轻的超市管理员走了过来。他弯下腰，对我耳语道：“修女，无论你怎么费劲祈祷，我们现在都不会降价。”
Unanswered Prayers
At the supermarket near our convent I had filled my cart in a hurry and suddenly had an uneasy feeling that I didn’t have enough money to pay for all the goods。 In desperation I emptied all the items onto the floor and kneeing down； began to add up the prices。
Just then a young supervisor strolled over； bent down and whispered confidentially； “It doesn’t matter how hard you pray； sister。 We’re not reducing the prices。”
十二张卡片
我十多岁的女儿在她的祖父母家度过了