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傥仕骸霸趺囱克鞘欠褡鞒隽俗詈蟮呐芯觯俊�
法警摇摇头说：“判决？天啊，他们为了推选陪审团主席，还在进行演讲呢！”
The Foreman’s Position
A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk…driving case and the defendant； who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence； demanded a jury trial。 It was nearly 4 p。 m。 and getting a jury would take time； so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty。 He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury。
The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom。 The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty。 The jury went into the jury…room； the judge started getting ready to go home； and everyone waited。
After nearly three hours； the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury…room to see what was holding up the verdict。 When the bailiff returned； the judge said； “Well have they got a verdict yet？”
The bailiff shook his head and said； “Verdict？ Hell； they’re still doing nominating speeches for the foreman’s position！”
天堂里的教皇
教皇去世后，就来到了天堂。圣彼得问候他：“见到你很高兴，一切都已经安排就绪。”随后，圣彼得带着他走到街上，看了看教皇的新房子。那是一栋小巧而舒适的别墅，一共有五个房间。圣彼得建议教皇先安顿下来，然后再四处去拜访其他的居民。
在这里，教皇不仅与许多老朋友重逢了，而且还认识了不少新朋友。其中有一位已故的律师，邀请教皇到家里吃午饭。到律师家后，教皇顿时惊呆了！那是一栋有45个房间的大厦，有桑拿间、健身房、漂亮的图书馆以及宽敞明亮的房间。
午饭后，教皇碰巧在街上又看到了圣彼得，便上前问道：“我可不是发牢骚啊！为什么我只能得到一个小别墅，而那个律师却有那么豪华的大厦？”
圣彼得回答说：“你看，我们这里到处都是教皇，可律师却只有他一个。”
Pope in Heaven
The Pope dies and goes to heaven。 St。 Peter greets him and says。 “Glad to see you； we’ve got your place all ready。” Peter then takes the Pope down the street and shows him his new home： a small but fortable cottage of 5 rooms。 Peter advises the Pope to settle in； and then wander around meeting the other residents。
花样年华 第五章（2）
The Pope meets many old friends and makes several new ones over the next few days。 One of these is a former lawyer who invites the Pope over for lunch。 On arriving； the Pope is astounded to see a 45…room mansion； with built…in sauna and weight…room； a beautiful library； and spacious； airy rooms。
After lunch； the Pope spies St。 Peter on the street and says； “Not to plain； but I’m curious as to why I have a small cottage while the lawyer I just met has a stupendous mansion。”
St。 Peter replied； “Well； you see； we have many Popes up here； but only one lawyer。”
第一天上学
今天是汤米第一天上学的日子。在这么重要的一天，他的父母却要一大清早就去上班，谁也无法送他去学校。尽管父母因为工作无法送他去学校而感到沮丧，可汤米一点也不在意。他特别高兴能像那些高年级的大孩子们一样，可以自己去上学。看来，只要汤米能找到学校，就没有什么可以担心的了。
那天早晨，父母告诉汤米在他走出家门后，看着大哥哥大姐姐们往哪里走，只要跟在他们身后就行了。
整个上午，汤米的父母都一直在担心。他们恨不得午餐时间能快点到，因为汤米在那个时间应该会打电话给他们。好不容易到了午餐时间，汤米给父母打电话报了平安。汤米的父母听到儿子打来的电话，激动万分。
“儿子，到目前为止，第一天上学一切都还好吗？”他的父亲问道。
“到现在一切都很好，我们学了很多东西呢。”汤米说。
“你们今天早上都学了什么呀，小宝贝？”他的母亲问道，“你学会怎样系鞋带了吗？有没有学到字母应该怎么写？还是知道了彩虹有哪几种颜色呢？”
汤米回答说：“不，我们学习了比那些更有意思的东西，我们知道了玻利维亚的河流和湖泊。”
汤米的父母认为让幼儿园的小孩子学习这些东西有些反常，但是他们离开学校的时间太长了，好多东西他们也记不清楚是不是在幼儿园学到的。他们告诉汤米放学回家后给他们打电话。
那天下午，时间过得太慢了。汤米的父母又开始为他们的小宝贝担心起来。终于，四点钟的时候，电话铃响了！
是汤米打来的，他已经安全到家了。母亲问他今天下午在学校都做了些什么。“你们睡午觉了吗？你们唱歌了吗？”
汤米回答：“没有，我们学的是代数。”他的父母觉得既吃惊又迷惑，他们简直不敢相信幼儿园现在都上代数课了。
那天晚上，他们下班回到家，决定领着汤米到外面去吃晚餐，以庆祝这个重要的日子。在去餐厅的路上，他们路过一所高中。
“瞧！”汤米说，“那就是我的学校！”“汤米！”他的父亲说，“那是一所高中呀！只有大孩子才可以去的！”汤米回答：“你们不是告诉我，让我跟在大哥哥大姐姐身后去上学吗？我以为年龄越大，学习就会越好呢。”
First Day at School
It was Tommy’s first day at school。 Both his mother and his father had to work early in the morning。 Neither of them would be able to take him to school first thing in the morning on this significant day。 His parents were not happy about this but Tommy didn’t mind at all。 He was excited to be able to go all by himself like the big kids did in the older grades。 It seemed that Tommy’s only worry was how to find the school。
His parents told him that when he left the house that morning； he should watch where the big kids were going and follow them。
花样年华 第五章（3）
All morning long； his mom and dad worried and fretted。 They couldn’t wait until lunch time。 That was when Tommy was supposed to phone。 At last； it was lunch time and Tommy called his parents to touch base。 His parents were so happy to hear from their boy。
“How is your very first day at school so far； son？” asked his dad。
“It’s good so far。 We’re learning lots of things。” said Tommy。
“What did you learn this morning； dear？” his mother asked。 “Did you learn how to tie your shoes？ Did you learn the letters of the alphabet？ Did you learn the colors of the rainbow？”
Tommy replied。 “No； we learned something more interesting than that。 We learned about the rivers and lakes of Bolivia。”
Tommy’s parents thought that was unusual for a child in kindergarten to learn。 But it had been so long since they had been in school they couldn’t remember。 They asked him to call them when he got home from school at the end of the day。
The afternoon passed slowly。 Tommy’s mom and dad worried about their little boy。 Finally； the phone rang at four o’clock。
It was Tommy。 He had arrived at home with no problems。 His mother asked him what he had done in school that afternoon。 “Did you have nap time？ Did you sing songs？”
Tommy replied； “No； We studied algebra。” His parents were surprised and confused。 They couldn’t believe that algebra was being taught in kindergarten now。
That night when they got home from work； they decided to take Tommy out for supper to celebrate his big day。 On the way to the restaurant； they passed the high school。 “Look！” Tommy said； “It’s my school！” “Tommy！” said his dad； “That’s the high school！ That’s only for big kids！” Tommy replied； “You told me to follow the big kids to school。 I thought the bigger the kids； the better the school。”
谁死得更惨
天堂门外站着三个男人。圣彼得说：“对不起，我们这里的人太多了，你们三个之中只有一个人能够进入天堂。所以，你们三个人之中，死得最惨的那个才能进来。”
第一个人说：“哦，我刚结婚不久，我很嫉妒我的妻子和她的男性朋友，于是上班的时候，我不准她见任何一个男性朋友。可我今天下班比较早，一到家我就发现咖啡桌上放着两个葡萄酒杯。我便问妻子为什么有两个杯子，她红着脸一言不发。我搜遍了整个屋子，想找出妻子的男性朋友，最后我看到有个人正抓着我家阳台的栏杆。一怒之下，我对着那双手一阵狂踢，直到那个流氓从15层楼上掉到一堆纸箱上。当我发现他还活着时，就搬起家里的冰箱扔了下去。就在这时，我突发心脏病而死。”
圣彼得说：“噢，够惨的！下一个？”
第二个人说：“我是一个窗户清洁工，一天，我正在公寓的17楼清洗窗户。不幸的是，安全带突然崩断，我掉了下来，幸亏抓住了15楼阳台的栏杆。我摒住呼吸，等着人来救我。忽然有个神经病人乱踢我的手，终于，我失手掉进下面的一堆纸箱。当我迷惑地睁开眼睛，却看到一个冰箱正朝着我的头砸来……”
圣彼得说：“哎哟……够惨的。下一个？”
第三个最后说：“唉，当时我正躲在冰箱里，突然……”书包 网 。 想看书来
花样年华 第五章（4）
Who Had the Most Tragic Death
Three stood by the golden gate and St。 Peter said； “Sorry； we’re all filled up； so only one of you can e into heaven。 So； out of you three； the one who had the most tragic death of all may enter the heaven。”
The first man spoke； “Well； I am a newlywed and I tend to get jealous of my wife and her male friends； so I forbid her to see any of them when I was at work。 But today I came home early and saw two wine glasses on the coffee table and when I asked my wife what was going on； she blushed and was silent。 I searched the entire house for her male friend and finally I spotted someone’s hands grasping the railing on our balcony。 In a fit of rage I stomped on the hands until the rascal fell 15 stories down into the bin below。 When I realized he was still alive； I unhooked my fridge and throw it over the railing。 In the process of doing this； I had a heart attack。”
St。 Peter replied； “Wow； that’s too bad。 Next？”
The second man began to speak；“I am a window washer and I was minding my own business and washing the seventeenth story windows at an apartment when my safety rope snapped and I began to fall。 I reached out and in a stroke of