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建筑师和律师。
最后的比赛是给每只狗一包骨头，看看它们能用这些骨头做些什么。医生说道：“听诊器，上！”这只狗搭了一个人体骨骼。
裁判们想立即给这只狗颁发奖品，但是他们还是决定给每只狗一次机会。
建筑师说道：“滑尺，上！”他的狗建造了一座悬桥。
裁判们左右为难，到底该选哪一只呢？
律师说道：“钻（法律）空子，上！”这只狗吃掉了骨头，对那座桥征收了百分之百的税，并向其他两只狗进行勒索。
The Three Dogs
There once was a dog show to determine the world’s smartest dog。 Three dogs were in the finals。 One dog belonged to a doctor。 One dog belonged to an engineer。 And； one dog belonged to a lawyer。
For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make。 The doctor said； “Stethoscope； go！” The dog built a human skeleton。
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then。 But； they decided to give the other dogs a try。
The ensineer said； “Slide…rule； go！” The dog built a suspension bridge。
The judges were beside themselves。 Which dog would they pick？
The lawyer said。“Loop…hole； go！” The dog ate the bones； got a percentage of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the Fother two dogs。
聪明人生 第一章（1）
自己准备
在校园里广为流传着这样一个故事：有一次，一个学生给他的父母发了一封电报，上面写道：“妈妈，我的功课没有一门及格的，我已经被学校开除了，请爸爸做好准备。”
过了两天，这个学生收到回电：“爸爸已经准备好了，你自己也做好准备吧！”
Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it that a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading：“Mom…flunked all courses。 Kicked out of school； Prepare Pop。”
Two days later he received a response： “Pop prepared。 Prepare yourself。”
教育阶段
一天，工程系的主任走进一间教室说：“早上好。”
全班同学异口同声地回答：“早上好。”
“你们是大一新生吧？”主任问道。
班级里一个胆子比较大的同学问主任是如何知道的。
“嗯，”主任说，“当我说‘早上好’的时候，假如是大一的新生，他们也一定会说‘早上好’的。假如他们是大二的学生，他们会轻轻地合上课本，然后集体看着我。大三的学生则会抱着书本，抬起头看我一眼，然后又继续读书。大四的学生则根本无视我的存在，一直看着书。至于研究生班的学生，我向他们‘问早上’好，他们就会把这句话写在笔记本上。”
Phases of Education
The dean of Engineering had once walked into a class； and said “Good Morning”。
The whole class chorused “Good Morning”。
“Hi； you are freshmen； aren’t you？” he asked。
One student bolder than the others asked him how he knew。
“Well；” he said。 “When I say ‘Good Morning’ to a class； if they are freshmen they say‘Good Morning’ too。 If they are sophomores； they quietly fold their papers away； and look at me。 A class of juniors will look at me over the top of their papers； and then get back to them。 A class of seniors will ignore my greeting； and keep reading the papers。 When I say ‘Good Morning’ to a class of graduate students； they write it down。”
作弊者
考试后的一天，约翰逊先生在课堂上把强尼拉到讲台旁边问道：“强尼，我认为你在这次考试中作弊了。”
强尼非常惊讶，要求约翰逊先生拿出证据。“好的，”约翰逊先生说，“我看到你的试卷上有这样一个问题：‘我们的第一任总统是谁？’紧挨着你的那个名叫玛丽的女孩写的是‘乔治·华盛顿’，你写的也是这个答案。”
“当然，每个人都知道他是我们的第一任总统。”
“噢，等一下，”约翰逊先生说，“下一个问题是：‘谁解放了黑奴？’玛丽的答案是‘亚伯拉罕·林肯’，你的答案也是一样。”
“噢，我昨天晚上看了历史书，我记得。”强尼说。
“等等，等等，”约翰逊先生说，“下一个问题是：‘谁在路易斯安娜大收购时期当了总统？’玛丽写的是‘我不知道’，而你写的则是：‘我也不知道’。”
Cheater
In class one day； Mr。 Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test； and said； “Johnny； I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests。”
Johnny was astounded and asked Mr。 Johnson to prove it。 “Well；” said Mr。 Johnson； “I was looking over your test and the question was； ‘Who was our first president？’； and the little girl that sits next to you； Mary； put ‘George Washington’； and so did you。”
“So； everyone knows that he was the first president。”
聪明人生 第一章（2）
“Well； just wait a minute；” said Mr。 Johnson。 “The next question was。 ‘Who freed the slaves？ Mary put ‘Abraham Lincoln’； and so did you。”
“Well； I read the history book last night and I remembered that；” said Johnny。
“Wait； wait；” said Mr。 Johnson。 “The next question was；‘Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase？’ Mary put ‘I don’t know’； and you put； ‘Me neither’。”
我爸爸不如他爸爸富有
著名的百万富翁约翰·D。洛克菲勒的一位朋友讲述了一个关于他的故事，是他的一个朋友讲述的。
据他的这位朋友所说，虽然洛克菲勒不在意捐赠上百万圆的大钱，可他却十分吝啬一笔笔小钱。一天，洛克菲勒来到纽约的一家旅馆，要求住最便宜的房间。洛克菲勒问道：“你们最便宜的房间一个晚上多少钱？”经理把价钱告诉了他。
“这是你们最便宜的房间吗？我只是自己住，一个很小的房间就可以了。”
经理说：“这的确是我们最小、最便宜的房间了。”接着他又不解地问道，“您为什么要住这样简陋的房间？ 您的儿子住在这里时，他总是住最贵的房间，可您却要住最便宜的房间。”“是的，”洛克菲勒说，“他的爸爸是个富翁，可我的爸爸不是。”
My Father Isn’t as Rich as His
This is a story about the well…known millionaire； John D。 Rockefeller； and was told by a friend of his。
This friend said that though Rockefeller gave away millions； he was very mean about small sums of money。 One day he went to stay at a hotel in New York and asked for the cheapest room they had。 Rockefeller said；“What is the price of the room？” The manager told him。
“Is that the lowest priced room you have？ I am staying here by myself and only need a small room。”
The manager said； “that room is the smallest and cheapest we have；” and added； “But why do you choose a poor room like that？ When your son stays here he always has our most expensive room； yours is our cheapest。”“Yes；”said Rockefeller； “but his father is a wealthy man； mine isn’t。”
为钟表加油
上周六的晚上，电视上播放了一场足球赛，是西班牙队对意大利队。7点钟，球赛刚一开始，我就坐到了电视机前。一个小时后，我的妻子也坐到了电视机旁。妻子在看球赛的时候一副心不在焉的样子。当记时器显示比赛还剩1分42秒时，她突然异常热情起来，“加油，加油！”她从来都不是球迷，我吃惊地望着她，问她支持哪个球队。“哪个也不支持，”她答道，“我在给钟表加油。”
I’m Cheering the Clock on
There was a football game on TV last Saturday evening。 The game was between a Spanish team and an Italian team。 I sat in front of the TV at 7 o’clock； when the game just began。 An hour later； my wife came to join me。 She seemed to be absent…minded while she was watching the game。 As the time clock showed one minute； forty…two seconds left in the game； she began cheering enthusiastically； “e on—get going！” Since she had never been a football fan； I looked at her in surprise and asked which team she was cheering for。 “Neither；” she replied。 “I’m cheering the time clock on。”
聪明人生 第一章（3）
老人智慧的迸发
爷爷在83岁的时候，第一次住进了医院。“这是干什么用的？”他抓起系在枕头旁边的呼叫铃的绳子问道。
“那是拉铃用的，爷爷。”我回答说。
他拉了几下问：“我怎么听不到铃响呀？”
“哦，不是它响，”我解释道，“你一拉这根绳子，护士值班室的灯就亮了。”
“原来如此！”他愤怒地说，“如果护士想开灯的话，她完全可以自己动手嘛。”
A Seniors Sparkle
At age of 83； Granddad went to hospital for the first time。 “What is this？” he asked as he held up the bell cord they had fastened to his pillow。
“That’s the bell； Granddad。” I replied。
He pulled it several times； then remarked； “I don’t hear it ringing。”
“Oh； it doesn’t ring；” I explained。 “It turns on a light in the hall for the nurse。”
“Well！” he replied indignantly。 “If the nurse wants a light on in the hall； she can turn it on herself。”
律师咨询费
一位律师的狗挣脱了绳索，径直跑到肉店，叼起一大块烤肉就跑。肉店老板来到那位律师的办公室理论：“假如有一只没有被拴住的狗从我的肉店里偷了一大块烤肉的话，我有没有权利向狗的主人索要赔偿？”那个律师回答说：“一点不错。”
“这么说你得赔给我美圆。今天是你的狗跑了出来，偷了我的烤肉。”
那位律师二话没说， 开了一张美圆的支票。
过了一段时间，肉店老板在查看邮箱时，看到了一封律师寄来的信，上面写着：请付20美圆的律师咨询费。
Consultation Fee
A lawyer’s dog； running about unleashed； beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast。 Butcher goes to lawyer’s office and asks； “If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store； do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner？” The lawyer answers； “Absolutely。”
“Then you owe me 8。 50。 Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today。”
The lawyer； without a word； writes the butcher a check for 8。 50。
Several periods of time later the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelopes from the lawyer： 20 due for a consultation
大猩猩
一天，一个失业的演员到动物园去参观。失业让他感到很沮丧，因为他必须要赚钱。 在动物园，他看到大猩猩的笼子里根本没有大猩猩，前来参观的人都很失望。因此他开始做出一些搞笑的表情，扮成大猩猩的样子来逗小孩子开心。人们逐渐把他围拢起来。他模仿大猩猩的举动引得人们笑个不停。动物园的管理员发现这一情况之后，就把他拉进了办公室。
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