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just threw us more out
of balance。
As the day went on； neither Edward nor Alice brought my birthday up again； and
I began to relax a little。
We sat at our usual table for lunch。
A strange kind of truce existed at that table。 The three of us—Edward； Alice；
and I—sat on the extreme
southern end of the table。 Now that the 〃older〃 and somewhat scarier （in
Emmett's case； certainly） Cullen
siblings had graduated； Alice and Edward did not seem quite so intimidating；
and we did not sit here
alone。 My other friends； Mike and Jessica （who were in the awkward post…
breakup friendship phase）；
Angela and Ben （whose relationship had survived the summer）； Eric； Conner；
Tyler； and Lauren （though
that last one didn't really count in the friend category） all sat at the same
table； on the other side of an
invisible line。 That line dissolved on sunny days when Edward and Alice always
skipped school； and then
the conversation would swell out effortlessly to include me。
Edward and Alice didn't find this minor ostracism odd or hurtful the way I
would have。 They barely
noticed it。 People always felt strangely ill at ease with the Cullens； almost
afraid for some reason they
couldn't explain to themselves。 I was a rare exception to that rule。 Sometimes
it bothered Edward how
very fortable I was with being close to him。 He thought he was hazardous to
my health—an opinion I
rejected vehemently whenever he voiced it。
The afternoon passed quickly。 School ended； and Edward walked me to my truck
as he usually did。 But
this time； he held the passenger door open for me。 Alice must have been taking
his car home so that he
could keep me from making a run for it。
I folded my arms and made no move to get out of the rain。 〃It's my birthday；
don't I get to drive？〃
〃I'm pretending it's not your birthday； just as you wished。〃
〃If it's not my birthday； then I don't have to go to your house tonight〃
〃All right。〃 He shut the passenger door and walked past me to open the
driver's side。 〃Happy birthday。〃
〃Shh；〃 I shushed him halfheartedly。 I climbed in the opened door； wishing he'd
taken the other offer。
Edward played with the radio while I drove； shaking his head in disapproval。
〃Your radio has horrible reception。〃
I frowned。 I didn't like it when he picked on my truck。 The truck was great—
it had personality。
〃You want a nice stereo？ Drive your own car。〃 I was so nervous about Alice's
plans； on top of my
already gloomy mood； that the words came out sharper than I'd meant them。 I
was hardly ever
bad…tempered with Edward； and my tone made him press his lips together to keep
from smiling。
When I parked in front of Charlie's house； he reached over to take my face in
his hands。 He handled me
very carefully； pressing just the tips of his fingers softly against my
temples； my cheekbones； my jawline。
Like I was especially breakable。 Which was exactly the case—pared with
him； at least。
〃You should be in a good mood； today of all days；〃 he whispered。 His sweet
breath fanned across my
face。
〃And if I don't want to be in a good mood？〃 I asked； my breathing uneven。
His golden eyes smoldered。 〃Too bad。〃
My head was already spinning by the time he leaned closer and pressed his icy
lips against mine。 As he
intended； no doubt； I forgot all about my worries； and concentrated on
remembering how to inhale and
exhale。
His mouth lingered on mine； cold and smooth and gentle； until I wrapped my
arms around his neck and
threw myself into the kiss with a little too much enthusiasm。 I could feel his
lips curve upward as he let go
of my face and reached back to unlock my grip on him。
Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship； with the
intent being to keep me alive。
Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin
and his razor…sharp；
venom…coated teeth； I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he
was kissing me。
〃Be good； please；〃 he breathed against my cheek。 He pressed his lips gently to
mine one more time and
then pulled away； folding my arms across my stomach。
My pulse was thudding in my ears。 I put one hand over my heart。 It drummed
hyperactively under my
palm。
〃Do you think I'll ever get better at this？〃 I wondered； mostly to myself。
〃That my heart might someday
stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me？〃
〃I really hope not；〃 he said； a bit smug。
I rolled my eyes。 〃Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other
up； all right？〃
〃Your wish； my mand。〃
Edward sprawled across the couch while I started the movie； fast…forwarding
through the opening
credits。
When I perched on the edge of the sofa in front of him； he wrapped his arms
around my waist and pulled
me against his chest。 It wasn't exactly as fortable as a sofa cushion would
be； what with his chest
being hard and cold—and perfect—as an ice sculpture； but it was definitely
preferable。 He pulled the old
afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over me so I wouldn't freeze
beside his body。
〃You know； I've never had much patience with Romeo；〃 he mented as the movie
started。
〃What's wrong with Romeo？〃 I asked； a little offended。 Romeo was one of my
favorite fictional
characters。 Until I'd met Edward； I'd sort of had a thing for him。
〃Well； first of all； he's in love with this Rosaline—don't you think it makes
him seem a little fickle？ And
then； a few minutes after their wedding； he kills Juliet's cousin。 That's not
very brilliant。 Mistake after
mistake。 Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly？〃
I sighed。 〃Do you want me to watch this alone？〃
〃No； I'll mostly be watching you； anyway。〃 His fingers traced patterns across
the skin of my arm； raising
goose bumps。 〃Will you cry？〃
〃Probably；〃 I admitted； 〃if I'm paying attention。〃
〃I won't distract you then。〃 But I felt his lips on my hair； and it was very
distracting。
The movie eventually captured my interest； thanks in large part to Edward
whispering Romeo's lines in
my ear—his irresistible； velvet voice made the actor's voice sound weak and
coarse by parison。 And
I did cry； to his amusement； when Juliet woke and found her new husband dead。
〃I'll admit； I do sort of envy him here；〃 Edward said； drying the tears with a
lock of my hair。
〃She's very pretty。〃
He made a disgusted sound。 〃I don't envy him the girl—just the ease of the
suicide；〃 he clarified in a
teasing tone。 〃You humans have it so easy！ All you have to do is throw down
one tiny vial of plant
extracts〃
〃What？〃 I gasped。
〃It's something I had to think about once； and I knew from Carlisle's
experience that it wouldn't be
simple。 I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the
beginning after he realized
what he'd bee〃 His voice； which had grown serious； turned light again。
〃And he's clearly still in
excellent health。〃
I twisted around so that I could read his face。 〃What are you talking about？〃
I demanded。 〃What do you
mean； this something you had to think about once？〃
〃Last spring； when you were nearly killed〃 He paused to take a deep
breath； snuggling to return to
his teasing tone。 〃Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive； but
part of my mind was making
contingency plans。 Like I said； it's not as easy for me as it is for a human。〃
For one second； the memory of my last trip to Phoenix washed through my head
and made me feel dizzy。
I could see it all so clearly—the blinding sun； the heat waves ing off the
concrete as I ran with
desperate haste to find the sadistic vampire who wanted to torture me to
death。 James； waiting in the
mirrored room with my mother as his hostage—or so I'd thought。 I hadn't known
it was all a ruse。 Just as
James hadn't known that Edward was racing to save me； Edward made it in time；
but it had been a close
one。 Unthinkingly； my fingers traced the crescent…shaped scar on my hand that
was always just a few
degrees cooler than the rest of my skin。
I shook my head—as if I could shake away the bad memories—and tried to grasp
what Edward meant。
My stomach plunged unfortably。 〃Contingency plans？〃 I repeated。
〃Well； I wasn't going to live without you。〃 He rolled his eyes as if that fact
were childishly obvious。 〃But I
wasn't sure how to do it—I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help so I was
thinking maybe I
would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi。〃
I didn't want to believe he was serious； but his golden eyes were brooding；
focused on something far
away in the distance as he contemplated ways to end his own life。 Abruptly； I
was furious。
〃What is a Volturi？〃 I demanded。
〃The Volturi are a family；〃 he explained； his eyes still remote。 〃A very old；
very powerful family of our
kind。 They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family； I suppose。
Carlisle lived with them briefly
in his early years； in Italy； before he settled in America—do you remember
the story？〃
〃Of course I remember。〃
I would never forget the first time I'd gone to his home； the huge white
mansion buried deep in the fore