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be shaved。
“Are you a stranger？” asked the barber。
“Yes，” Mark Twain replied。 “This is the first time I’ve been here。”
“You chose a good time to e；” the barber continued。 “Mark Twain is going to read a lecture tonight。 You’ll go； I suppose？”
“Oh； I guess so。”
“Have you bought your ticket？”
“Not yet。”
“But everything is sold out。 You’ll have to stand。”
“How very annoying！” Mark Twain said with a sigh。 “I never saw such luck； I always have to stand when that fellow lectures。”
在电话中交谈
每个星期天，牧师都会在教堂前面召集一群孩子，给他们讲一个故事。有一次，为了更好地解释祈祷的意义，他带来了一部电话机。
“你们和电话里的人说话，却并没有看到电话那端的人，对不对呀？”他开始说道。孩子们点头表示同意。“其实，和上帝交谈就好像通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，尽管你看不到他，他却在倾听你的心声。”
就在这个时候，一个小男孩尖声问道：“他的电话号码是多少？”
Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story。 Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer。
“You talk to people on the telephone and don’t see them on the other end of the line； right？” he began。 The children nodded yes。 “Well； talking to God is like talking on the telephone。 He’s on the other end； but you can’t see him。 He is listening though。”
Just then a little boy piped up and asked； “What’s his number？”
麻烦的孩子
巴兹尔问父亲：“爸爸，我能不能出去玩呀？”
“不行，外面现在正在下雨呢，你出去会感冒的。”他的父亲答道。
“但是，爸爸，我想出去淋雨。”
父亲急忙说：“这是我给你买的一本书，现在，你坐下来好好地看书吧。”
巴兹尔十分听话地拿着书，然而刚刚看完一句话，他就又开口问了起来：“爸爸，书里面说：从一个人结交的朋友就可以看出这个人的为人，真是这样的吗？ 那么，假如一个好人和一个坏人接触，这个好人是否因为坏人也变成了坏人呢？或者因为坏人结交了好人，从而就变成好人了呢？或者他们两个人都变了，好人变成了坏人，坏人反而变成了好人？另外，假如……”
“巴兹尔，”父亲说，“你现在可以出去淋雨了。”
A Troublesome Child
“Daddy； may I go out？” Asked Basil。
“No； it’s raining；” answered daddy。 “You would catch cold。”
“But daddy； I want to go out in the rain。”
“Here is a book I’ve bought you；” replied the worried father hastily。 “Now sit still and read it。”
聪明人生 第七章（2）
Basil took the book obediently。 But after the first sentence he asked again：“Daddy；it says here： a man is known by the pany he keeps。 Is that true？ Because if a good man keeps pany with a bad man； is the good man bad because he keeps pany with the bad man； or is the bad man good because he keeps pany with the good man； or do they each change； and if the。。。”
“Basil；” said his father； “you may go out in the rain。”
广告
一只漂亮的纯种狗迷路后，来到我们的后门廊，并以此为家了。我的丈夫在当地的“失物招领”上，酝酿了一则广告，这样写道：“小狗，雄性，年龄近9个月，无项圈，很友善，在石桥路发现的。”
我害怕这样的细节会给那些昧着良心要狗的人以可乘之机。我有条不紊地解释为什么每个线索都透露得太多，我的丈夫就尽职地划去一些词。终于，出于为难，他重新写了广告，把它缩减为一个我无法反驳的句子。
他这样写道：“猜猜我发现了什么？”
An Adversity
After a beautiful purebred puppy wandered onto our back porch and made himself at home； my husband posed an ad for the“Lost and found” column of the local newspaper。 It read：“A puppy； male； approximately nine months old； no collar； very friendly； found on Rockbridge Road。”
“I feared all the detail might encourage an unscrupulous person to chaim the dog。 As I methodically explained why each clue revealed too much； my husband dutifully crossed out the words。 Finally； in frustration； he rewrote the ad； reducing it to a single sentence that I couldn’t refute。”
It read： “Guess what I found？”
是谁害怕？
一个邻居曾跟我们讲过一次他和他两岁半的儿子旅行的事。那是他们父子俩第一次单独出门。
在旅馆的第一个晚上，父亲先是将自己的床移近儿子的床，掖好被子后，他就关了灯。几分钟之后，儿子轻轻地说：“屋子里真够黑的，是不是？”“是的，”父亲说，“屋里确实挺黑的，不过一切正常。”又过了一会儿，一只小手伸过来握住父亲的手，“我握住你的手，”小男孩说，“以防你害怕。”
Who’s Afraid Now？
A neighbor told us about a trip he took with his two…and…a…half…year…old son。 It was the first time the father and the boy had been away by themselves。
The first night they spent in a hotel； the father moved his bed close to the boy’s and when they were both tucked in； he turned out the light。 After a few minutes； a little voice said； “It sure is dark； isn’t it？” “Yes；” said the father； “it’s pretty dark； but everything is all right。” There was silence for a few more minutes； and then a small hand reached over and took the father’s hand； “I’ll just hold your hand；” said the little boy； “in case you get frightened。”
谁是乔治·华盛顿
有一位老师向一个学生提出了很多问题，可那个学生一个也不会。老师为了让他答对几道，便打算问他一些非常容易的问题。
老师问道：“班克·希尔是什么？”
这位学生想了半天，然后回答：“一个飞机场？”
老师说：“不对！ 那是一场战役！”她有点生气了，不过她还是尽量克制住了。随后，她问道：“谁是美国的第一任总统？”
聪明人生 第七章（3）
这位学生冥思苦想了好久以后，却依然沉默不语。看到这种情景，老师非常生气，大声喊道：“乔治·华盛顿！”学生站了起来，开始走回自己的座位。
老师说：“回来！我没叫你回去！”
这位学生说：“哦，对不起！ 我还以为你叫下一位同学呢！”
Who Is George Washington
A teacher was asking a student a lot of question； but the student couldn’t answer any of them。 The teacher then decided to ask him some very easy question so that he could get a few right。
“What was Banker Hill？” She said。
The student thought for some time and then answered；“an airport？”
“No； it Was a battle；” the teacher said。 She wag getting a little angry now； but she was trying not to show it。 Then she asked；“Who was the first President of the United States？”
The student thought for a long time； but didn’t say anything。 Then the teacher got very angry and shouted；“George Washington！” The student got up and began to walk towards his seat。
“e back！” the teacher said；“I didn’t tell you’re to go。”
“Oh； I’m sorry；” the student said；“I thought you called the next student。”
农业部的回信
一个养鸡专业户发现她的鸡群出现了一些问题， 因此她给农业部写了这样一封信：
“我的鸡出毛病了。每天清晨，当我走出去时，我就会看到两、三只鸡直挺挺地躺在地上，浑身冰冷、僵硬、两脚朝天。您能不能告诉我这是怎么回事呀？”
过了一小段时间，她收到了农业部的回信，内容如下：
“亲爱的夫人，您的鸡死了。”
The Reply Letter of the Department
of Agriculture
A chicken fancier had some difficulty with her flock and wrote the following letter to the Department of Agriculture：
“Something is wrong with my chickens。 Every morning when I e out I find two or three lying on the ground cold and stiff with their feet in the air。 Can you tell me what is the matter？”
After a little while she received the following letter from the Department：
“Dear Madam； Your chickens are dead。”
一个聪明的男孩
母亲说：“宝贝，太晚了，不要看电视了，否则明天上学会迟到的。”
儿子说：“妈妈，假如你还看电视，明天上班也会迟到的。”
母亲说：“假如明天早上我起不来了，我可以请病假。”
儿子说：“我也可以请病假，因为妈妈生病了，我要在家照顾她。”
A Clever Boy
Mother： It’s too late； darling。 Stop watching TV or you’ll be late for school tomorrow morning。
Son： If you keep watching it； you’ll be late for work； too。
Mother： But I can ask for a sick leave if I can’t get up early tomorrow。
Son： And I can ask for leave； too。 Because my mother is ill； and I must take good care of her。
强悍的教师
我的一位做教师的朋友背部受了伤，不得不在上身穿上了石膏罩。开学的第一天，他的石膏罩还穿在身上。他被分派去教学校最不守纪律的班级。他信心十足地走进乱哄哄的教室，把窗子尽可能开得大些。正在这时，一阵强风把他的领带吹得飘了起来。为了固定领带，他拿起黑板擦，透过领带，把一个大头钉砸入胸膛。
在那个学期里，在他课上的学生们一直是安安静静的。
A Tough Teacher
A school teacher friend of mine in jurred his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body。 On his first day of the term； still with the cast under his shirt； he was assigned to teach the most undisciplined class。 Stepping confidently into the rowdy classroom； he opened the window as wide as possible。 Just then； a strong breeze made his tie flap。 Trying to fix the tie； he took a blackboard eraser and hammered a large tack through his tie into his chest。
He had no trouble with discipline that term。
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